God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
