In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
