How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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