Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
