Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
