We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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