it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize