I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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