I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
