Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she looked like the before picture.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
