I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In other news, I just burned my penis
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
