Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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