There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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