she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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