One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
