Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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