put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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