I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
