whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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