Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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