So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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