i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
