hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
