Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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