I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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