Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
