if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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