matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
