Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize