Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
