He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Randomize
