oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
