Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
