I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
