you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
