Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
