sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
