I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
