I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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