he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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