I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
