Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We need to rekindle our bromance
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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