I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
