why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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