I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
