He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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