I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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