JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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