He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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