I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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