If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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