My hand turned me down
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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