trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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