I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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