I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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