He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
