It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She's the barista slut.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
