i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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