Swine flu. Run for my life!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
