tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
