I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize