He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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