I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
