I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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