Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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